Oh God Oh God Oh God……
I have a job interview tomorrow and I’m kinda freaking out! I haven’t had to do this for almost 8 years. 8 years! I can’t believe I’ve been working The Hellmouth that long. It’s kind of sad. Also kind of sad is just how inadequate I feel I am for just about anything else.
I made myself physically sick yesterday, thinking about the interview. What if I completely shut down? What if the anxiety just takes me over and I become comatose? Just an inadequate, comatose freak, sitting there, being judged by judgy people who are really nice but can’t help but think, “what a nutter”?
The “funny” thing is, when they emailed me to tell me about the interview, they said “PLUS prepare a small story to tell or sing a rhyme or song.” That was certainly not in the brochure. Funny right? Like the universe is toying with me just for fun. Like it’s grinning like a psycho and rubbing it’s massive God-hands together and going ooh, I know how we can make this even more entertaining…let’s make her sing and rhyme in front of the panel of judgy judges…yes….
Trying to comfort myself by saying I don’t really care if I get the job, and I don’t want them to hire me if I’m not suitable anyway… it’s helping, a little. Given their unexpected request for me to play the part of clown for the panel of judges, I’m thinking they are looking for someone more extroverted than myself.
Here’s hoping I don’t implode at the interview tomorrow morning. But if you don’t hear from me again it’s because my anxiety has eaten me from the inside out. (How’s that for a visual?)
I’m kidding. If you don’t hear from me it’s probably because in my efforts to deal, I took it too far, and instead of being my method writer self, I became my method clown self, lost touch with reality and joined the circus as a perpetually rhyming clown with no self esteem.
Wish me luck!