Update on this whole life thing.

Dear Internet, 

Since I last posted a lot has happened. I had my last day at the Hellmouth and it was awful. It’s been extremely hot and humid here, and the air quality has sucked even more because of forest fires with far-reaching smoke. I had a tiny little office in the back of the building with no proper air circulation or air conditioning, so I was literally drenched in sweat at my office job for the last week.

One last story of the ridiculous nature of my workplace: It’s a tradition to provide a farewell lunch for people who leave the Hellmouth. So my boss, who I fondly nick-named The Beast, came to my office and said “What would you like us to have for lunch? You can pick anything you want.” To which I replied, “Hmm, let me think on it and I will get back to you shortly.” So I asked a few people on my side of the office and came to the conclusion, that instead of the traditional Chinese food, I would like to have Indian food. She predictably turned her nose up at this and said that “no one would eat it.” No one. Apparently that’s just crazy talk. Anyways, she guilted me into saying “It’s okay, I just want everyone to be able to eat. Let’s go with Chinese food.” So she tells me to check out their menu and make a list of my favourites. So I do. And the motherfuckers didn’t order a single one of them.

Don’t get me wrong, a free lunch is a free lunch, but why the Hell would you bother asking if you have no intention whatsoever of being accommodating? Typical. I was about 80% certain that it would go down that way anyway, but there was just this tiny part of me that was like, maybe….

So my last week there was stupid busy and hot and humid and sweaty and I still bloody cried on my last day. I should have been jumping up and down with joy while thumbing my nose at them and screaming “see ya later suckers”, but instead I got all stupid and teary-eyed. Have I mentioned that change is very hard for me?

My Musician Guy

My Musician Guy

Anywho, the plan was to go visit my family for a bit, come back to the city in time to go to Epic Concert, and then have a week to enjoy the fact that The People Upstairs are gone for a week, before starting my new job.

So I went home. And as soon as I got there, I got really, really sick. Had to go to the doctor, was told I have strep throat, was given antibiotics, and was sick almost the entire time I was home. It was smoky as all Hell for a few days there too, and I’m guessing the poor air quality didn’t help my sickness.

So I finally felt better on the last day, and then we leave, driving the 10 hours back to the City. The next day I found out my dad had a “minor” heart attack. What the shit? I’m freaking out about it as he’s still in the hospital and they are flying him to a bigger city for an angiogram and possible angioplasty.

I don’t know what to do. I was just there (it’s ten hours away) and I’m starting a new job very soon. They’re moving him for the out-of-town-test possibly tomorrow, but it’s not for sure, and if I went, I think I would have to fly but don’t think I have the money.

I’ve been pretty emotional. There’s a lot going on, and I can’t stand the thought of my dad in a hospital bed, emotional and frustrated that what he thought was a healthy lifestyle hasn’t made a lick of difference to his heart health. I’m scared. And I’m angry and frustrated that people can let themselves get to a point where making changes and trying new things seems absolutely out of the question. Like, I know yoga would help him in so many ways, but do you think he would ever consider trying it, even if his life was at stake? I don’t think so.

It also makes me worry about the rest of us since heart problems run pretty strongly in the family and it just feels like a destiny I don’t want for any of us, but what the shit does it matter because it’s out of our control anyway, right?


Stressed the Fuck Out