So I’ve been doing the Trintellix experiment now for almost two months, and my dose went up. When I agreed to do this it was with a heavy heart, but there was a small glimmer of hope there too; hope that this would be the catalyst to change my life for the better. But maybe it’s time to admit that it’s not working. I don’t feel more focused, I don’t have more hope, it hasn’t been easier to make positive changes. I still wake everyday and wonder what’s the point.
I don’t know what else is in store for me during this research. Maybe they will up my dose again and it will be the key for it to kick in. Or maybe it won’t make a difference.
I have noticed one small change: I have more dreams since starting on Trintellix. It had been quite a while since I dreamed regularly, but now it’s almost every night, and I can remember them for longer. Just last night I remember dreaming about hiding out in the new house my ex bought with his new wife. Can’t seem to get rid of the memory of that one. I’m sure I’m just searching for an escape by thinking about my ex. It’s what I do.
But dammit if I don’t miss those eyes.