It’s been over a year since my last confession…

Listening to Grimes, trying to block out the circus upstairs. Caught up on some blog reading, and remembered, hey I have this marypoppinz thing I haven’t thought about in a while. Every time I do this, I expect to not be able to log in. Like my absence will trigger ostracism for absenteeism.

But here I am. All logged in and ready to type.

The seasons are in transition again. We had a brief interlude with fall, and now it seems to be winter already, snow and all. Every year I think I can’t take another winter here. And yet every year, I am here. Trying to mentally prepare for the bitter ass cold.

It’s been so long, where do I begin? Long narrative gaps leave me feeling lost on here. Last time I wrote about being in some research for Trintellix. That research is over, as of four months ago. While I was on it, I couldn’t really feel much of a difference, and I came to the conclusion that I would not continue taking it after the research. A couple of weeks after I stopped, I realized my mood had plummeted and the ADD was very strong. I can’t be sure of the cause. Does it mean that the Trintellix was working for me and I didn’t even realize it until I stopped? Does it mean my brain kind of backfired from the change? Or was it just part of the ebb and flow of my moods?

Maybe I will try taking it again. When I told my regular physician, he just up and gave me a huge box of samples to take home just in case. I guess that’s good, considering the psychiatrist that invited me to the research has not followed up with me at all despite his promises to do just that.

I’m still with S.O., Musician Guy. Most of our relationship has been long distance, and he only just moved back to the city two months ago, like four blocks from where I live. It’s quite a change having him here, so close, all of the time. Still processing how it feels. I’m afraid I’ve become so accustomed to my reclusive lifestyle that I won’t be able to handle having a “normal” relationship. Time will tell I guess?

I’m still “working” on my novel I started another lifetime ago. I feel stuck. I sometimes wonder if it’s because I feel stuck in life.

That’s all I can muster in this update for now. Stay tuned for more updates on the trivial pursuits of marypoppinz!