Beware the Wasps (the Fragment Files III)

Fragments

Age Unknown

I remember tagging along with my sister and her friends. They were older than me.  We had taken our bicycles up the dirt road we lived on, (I was still on a tricycle). Tricycle_(PSF)

We stopped near the top of the road. For some reason, I started exploring the side of the road, which was covered with brush.

It was warm out. Probably summer. I stood there in the ditch, and suddenly everyone looked panicked. I wasn’t sure what the problem was until it was too late: I was standing on a wasp’s nest. I was stung several times on my little-kid-bum. It was very painful.

Everyone panicked about the wasps and hopped on their bikes. I couldn’t believe they left me there to fend for myself. I struggled to hop on my tricycle, unable to sit down, and eventually made it home. I remember feeling foolish as my mom put some salve on my bottom.

Thoughts

Wondering why this is one of the memories that stuck… Maybe I felt abandoned and betrayed by the kids I looked up to.

My therapist suggested I start a chronology of childhood memories, because mine seem to be so scattered and hard to reach. This seemed a daunting task. But I’ve been working on it. I’m going to post some of them here in hopes that it will motivate me to continue with it.

*Image found here.

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You’re Too Shy (the Fragment Files II)

Fragments

Withdrawn
             Withdrawn

Age Unknown (pre-k/k?)

I remember hiding behind my mom’s legs while people cooed and cawed about how cute and tiny and shy and quiet I was. I think I felt overwhelmed and a little scared; it was just too much.

This was a recurring theme for many years, juxtaposed with judgement: “You’re too shy, you’re too quiet. You’re not going to make any friends like that”.

Thoughts

Is the need to withdraw inherent in the person or created by people constantly trying to draw them out of their shell?

My therapist suggested I start a chronology of childhood memories, because mine seem to be so scattered and hard to reach. This seemed a daunting task. But I’ve been working on it. I’m going to post some of them here in hopes that it will motivate me to continue with it.

*Image found on Deviant Art, by humanskin

The Futility of Fighting Back (but doing it anyway) -First in the Fragment Files

Fragments

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

                                                                                 Just out of reach…

4 years old

I remember my mom let me walk to our only neighbour by myself. I had a doll (I think it had red ringlets) and she was in a toy stroller. I walked to the end of the road where the neighbours lived. I was greeted by their large German Shepherd. It “attacked” me, knocking me to the ground. It was much bigger than me. I think I knew it wasn’t trying to hurt me, but I knew that it could. I was scared.

It was mauling me, rolling me around on the ground, pawing at me with its claws and nipping at me. I remember the futility of fighting back, but doing it anyway. I remember grabbing whatever I could from the ground–clumps of grass, pebbles–and trying to throw it away from me so the dog would get distracted. It didn’t work.

Eventually I heard shouts from the porch of the house and the dog was gone. They brought me inside. I don’t remember what happened after that, but I ended up with two horizontal tear drop scars, one under each eye. I remember, not too long after this incident, they put the dog down. I think I felt guilty because I thought it was because of me. I was told at some point that it was more because it was chasing their cattle.

Thoughts:

This was one of my first experiences with a dog. It surprises me a little that I grew up to love them so much. But the sound of a dog barking at me still causes my heart to pound. Not sure if it’s from my experience, or related to my sensitivity to noise and anxiety.

My therapist suggested I start a chronology of childhood memories, because mine seem to be so scattered and hard to reach. This seemed a daunting task. But I’ve been working on it. I’m going to post some of them here in hopes that it will motivate me to continue with it.

*Image found on Deviant Art by grr9